Twice, down this road...

Things are looking a bit familiar; it's both comforting and disturbing, though.

I've realized I'm (almost) full circle, here.

I'd like to say that I've learned my lesson. I suppose only time will tell.

This time, instead of impatiently running through, I'll take my time; feel it out. Every inch, every breath; I'll live in it.

I won't let myself get the best of me; I won't destroy my chances.

I'll be patient and I'll give my all, even if it breaks me: it'll be worth it; that much, I'm sure.

Full circle isn't such a bad thing, then (so long as the lesson's been learned).

It's a blessing, in disguise, really.

I won't mess this one up with my impatience.

Does it show?

I will be 28 this year. I just realized this. It's funny, I'm almost 30 years old, and I don't know what this means. Part of me feels as if I should have "accomplished" something by now. Part of me feels as if I am "accomplishing" something. I mean, 30 is a milestone, right? Why? Does this mean that I am no longer young?

Honestly, I am not sure what this all means. This lack of certainty saddens me, too. I think I should have it figured out by now. Alas, but I don't. There is a quote that seems to have lodged itself in my head: "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." I suppose this is what I'm [subconsciously] doing. I've done the "let's search for me" routine and it's gotten me nowhere, really. Lately, I seem to be playing-it-by-ear. It's a bit scarier, but at least it's a forward motion.

So, what does all of this mean for an almost-thirty-year-old? Well, it creates the aforementioned question. It leaves holes and questions. It makes things scary and, yet, possible. The possibilities. That, I suppose is the most rewarding thing I have received from this path. For me, 30 doesn't have to be an over-the-hill; it can be just another patch of grass. Tomorrow is potential. And 30 holds all of the potential I want it to hold!

Yeah, you do have a problem. It's called discipline.

I don't remember there being as many kids on medicine when I was growing up. Boy have times changed. We have pills for everything. You gotta problem, they have a pill. There are pills to treat attention deficits, there are pills to treat growth deficiencies, there are pills to treat the effects of the pills that treat depression.

I propose a new pill: a pill that enhances one's desire to take responsibility for their own actions.

What this pill will do is it will block the neurons that cause a person to shirk their duties, making them more willing to perform the things they know they must do. It will also inhibit the growth of ideas that encourage blaming others. In addition to this, it will heal scars caused by bitterness and victimhood.

I suppose it must be noted that there are, as with all pills, side effects. It may cause: intense pain in the heart (as it brings about the realization that many of the problems in one's life stem from within, and not others); sweating (from the pressure to constantly do what is morally sound, even when things would be easier deflecting); and random bouts of crying (because the world is much more beautiful when you realize you have power to change it from within yourself). There may be more side effects, but the pill is still in its formative stages.

Hm. I don't think this will ever make it, though. Until then, I'll propose a simple campaign; a campaign aimed at each person taking responsibility for the actions that they themselves choose to commit. A campaign aimed at helping everyone understand that it's not the world, it's you.

And, I'll start with me.